翻译: 胖虎 Jodie
校对: Claire super死打斯基
后期: 秋小豚
我们就快到了 We're almost there.
我们刚刚经过了郊区的水上乐园 We just passed the water park on the outskirts of town.
再过两个水上乐园 我们就到登斯维尔了 Two more water parks, and we're in Durnsville.
压制: 凯撒
Titus 谢谢你陪我一起 Thanks for coming with me, Titus.
我欠你个人情 I owe you one.
听着 我知道你不想去登斯维尔 Look, I know you don't want to be here,
但是你是唯一一个可以阻止牧师的人 but you're the only one who can stop the Reverend.
那个男人能把雪卖给爱斯基摩人 That man could sell snow to an Eskimo,
或者把旁蒂克牌汽车卖给 某个人 or a Pontiac Aztec to... someone.
第一款通用汽车混搭SUV 被时代杂志称为史上最丑车之一
我要把他做成华夫饼 I'm gonna make waffles out of him.
这是登斯维尔人的一种说法 That's a thing people say in Durnsville.
好吧 登斯维尔西部人 Well, West Durnsville.
绝对够狠 It's really bad.
你们坐在这后面感觉不颠吧 You folks having a smooth ride back here?
你不是大巴司机吗 Aren't you the bus driver?
你不能走到后面来 You can't be back here.
我们可是在公路上 We're on a highway!
如果我像我兄弟Allen一样 You wouldn't be saying that
是个飞行员 if I was an airplane pilot,
你们就不会这么说了 like my brother Allen.
他可棒了 因为他念过高中 He's so great 'cause he went to high school
而且只被罚过一次酒驾 and only has one DUI.
你得回去开车 You have to drive the bus!
前面就是登斯维尔大转弯了 The Durnsville turn's coming up!
*简直坚不可摧 她们活下来了 卧槽* *Unbreakable they alive, damn it*
*真是个奇迹 坚不可摧* *It's a miracle. Unbreakable*
*她们活下来了 卧槽* *They alive, damn it*
*但是女人们可真牛逼啊* *But females are strong as hell
*简直坚不可摧 她们活下来了 卧槽* *Unbreakable they alive, damn it*
*真是个奇迹 坚不可摧 她们活下来了 卧槽* *It's a miracle. Unbreakable they alive. Damn it*
*接下来是* *That's gonna be, uh...*
我 本 坚 强
第一季 第十二集
*就是 那个* *you know, uh...*
电波诚译
*华丽的变身* *a fascinating transition*
*卧槽* *Damn it*
Kimmy 我好高兴你来了 I am so glad you're here, Kimmy.
我也是 Me, too.
我已经迫不及待要把牧师给扔到河底了 I can't wait to send the Reverend down the river.
哦 我们把河填平了 Oh, we paved the river.
你就站在上面 You're standing on it.
我很抱歉老是要你给我收拾烂摊子 And I'm sorry you always have to clean up my messes,
但是你很擅长 but it's what you do.
我是说 要不是你制止了我的地堡疯 I mean, if you hadn't talked me down from my bunker madness,
我现在还会以为自己是胡克霍根呢 I'd still think I was Hulk Hogan.
摔角手 摔跤届最著名的英雄式人物之一
Kimmy 做点什么 Kimmy, do something.
Hulkster Hulkster?
是我 我是"大丈夫"兰迪萨维奇 It's me, "Macho Man" Randy Savage.
美国摔跤运动员 曾把世界摔跤联盟的冠军输给了胡克霍根
哦 耶 兄弟 Ooh, yeah, brother!
此为兰迪萨维奇的口头禅
我多希望那个时候我们都像你一样坚强 I wish we'd all been as strong as you down there.
这就是为什么我们还得最后麻烦你一次 But that's why we need you this one last time.
按纽约人的话说 Well, as we say in New York,
"快看那咸牛肉上的脂肪纹路" "Look at the marbling on that corned beef!"
还有 我把我的单身派对提到今天晚上了 Also, I moved my bachelorette party up to tonight
因为我想让你参加 'cause I want you to be there...
我的伴娘 maid of honor.
伴娘很荣幸 I'd be maid-of-honored!
Kimmy 想要故地重游一番吗 So, Kimmy... want to check out some of the old sights?
逛逛回忆路 Take a trip down memory lane?
不要 我就是在回忆路上被绑架的 No, Memory Lane is where I got kidnapped.
哦 Oh.
那地堡呢 How about the bunker, then?
什么 What?
Randy 直接载我们去法院就好 Randy, just take us to the courthouse.
好吧 如果你改变心意了 Okay, well, if you change your mind,
要告诉我哦 just let me know.
我可以放你进去 I can let you in,
因为虽然严格意义来上说 我被"停职"了 'cause even though I'm technically "Suspended,"
我以前的钥匙圈还在 I've still got my old police key ring.
我天 我的钥匙到哪儿去了 Doon germit, where in the heck's my keys?
不在这儿 Nope.
啊 肯定落在车里了 Ah, must have left them in the car.
Kimmy Schmidt 我是WDUR台的Carla Tuesday Kimmy Schmidt, Carla Tuesday, WDUR.
我认为你是鼹鼠女中的保罗·麦卡特尼 I think of you as the Paul McCartney of the Mole Women.
披头士乐队中的主要创作人
- 为什么我会有这样的想法呢 - 这里没有后门吗 - Why is that? - Isn't there a back door?
一一一一一一一一一一一一一一一一一 一一印第安纳鼹鼠女案开审第四天一一 一一一一一一一一一一一一一一一一
一现场直播一一一一 一一一一一一一一一
特大新闻
以前是有的 Well, there used to be,
但是囚犯老从后门逃出去 but all the prisoners kept escaping through it,
我们就不要后门了 so we got rid of it.
但是没有了门 But without a door there,
他们逃得更快了 they escaped even quicker.
一一一一一一一一一一一一一一一一 一一Kimmy Schmidt出席作证一一 一一一一一一一一一一一一一一一一
一现场直播一一一一 一一一一一一一一一
特大新闻
长话短说 Long story short,
我们在外面挖了个大坑 we dug a big pit out there.
跟我走 Follow me.
我会像绿色和平组织的志愿者一样驱散人群 I'll keep the crowd away like a Greenpeace volunteer.
有时间听我说说环境问题吗 Do you have a minute to talk about the environment?
有时间听我说说环境问题吗 Do you have a moment to talk about the environment?
异教徒 Infidel!
上帝憎恶"DAG"
2006年6月6日 就 要 来 啦
末日就要来临
你为什么穿成这样 Why are you dressed like that?
这些女人又是谁 And who are these women?
你居然还找到了新成员加入牧师的教派吗 Did you actually find new people to join the Reverend's church?
这还只是个开始 And this is only the beginning.
上帝憎恶"DAG"
为此剧共同执行制片Jack Burditt 2001制作的NBC一季游喜剧
光一家露西尔罗伯茨健身俱乐部里我就找到了这么多女人 I got all these women from just one Lucille Roberts.
这不是开始 This isn't the beginning.
这是结局 It's the end.
我要把牧师做成华夫饼 I'm gonna make waffles out of the Reverend.
哇 我知道你认为他绑架了你 或是别的什么 Wow, I know you think he kidnapped you, or whatever,
但是这样说真的很恶劣 but that is an ugly thing to say.
抱歉我们来晚了 Sorry we're late.
我们忙着看<法网神鹰> We were watching the movie Legal Eagles
来为今天的官司做准备 to prepare for today.
有人爱上Debra Winger喽 Someone's got a thing for Debra Winger.
主演<法网神鹰>中的女律师
不如说是Debra "辣"Winger More like Debra Schwinger.
所以 冲了两把澡之后 我们就来了 So, two showers later, here we are.
Kimmy Schmidt 还有一个问题 Kimmy Schmidt, one more question.
Carla Tuesday 别再纠缠这个苍白无力的姑娘了 Leave that pale, pale girl alone, Carla Tuesday.
她经受的够多了 She's been through enough.
一一一一一一一一一一一一一一一一 一一Kimmy Schmidt出席作证一一 一一一一一一一一一一一一一一一一
一现场直播一一一一 一一一一一一一一一
特大新闻
你又是谁 And who are you?
我叫Titus Andromemom My name is Titus Andromemom.
一一一一一一一一一一一一一一一一 一一Kimmy Schmidt出席作证一一 一一一一一一一一一一一一一一一一
一现场直播一一一一 一一一一一一一一一
特大新闻
我到这里来 I'm just here to support
只是为了支持我的朋友兼室友 Kimmy Schmidt my friend and roommate, Kimmy Schmidt.
最新新闻 现在站在我身旁的正是 Breaking news: I'm here with the roommate
一一一一一一一一一一一一一一一一 一一Kimmy Schmidt出席作证一一 一一一一一一一一一一一一一一一一
一现场直播一一一一 一一一一一一一一一
特大新闻
鼹鼠女Kimmy Schmidt的室友 of Mole Woman Kimmy Schmidt.
Carla 重点不是我 Carla, this isn't about me.
一一一一Titus Andromemom:一一一一 一一一一Schmidt的朋友一一一一一一一一一一
这事关正义 This is about justice.
Kimmy是个有隐私的人 Kimmy is a private person.
她不想受到这样的关注 She doesn't want this kind of attention,
一一一一一一 Andromemom:一一一一一一 一一一一Schmidt是"拥有隐私的人"一一一一一一一一一一
杵在面前的摄影机 麦克风 the cameras in her face, the microphones.
摄影机 Cameras.
但是为了她 But for her sake,
我愿意承受关注 所有的关注 I'll take all the attention, all of it.
一一一一 Andromemom:一一一一一一 一一一一"我来承受关注"一一一一一一一一一一
此时应响起国歌 Now please rise for the National Anthem.
*为了三色国旗* *For the red, white, and blue*
美国家庭滑稽录像主题曲
*为了你的滑稽往事* *For the funny things you do*
*美国 美国* *America, America*
*这就是你* *This is you...*
好了 Kimmy 敞开来说说 Okay, Kimmy, there's no judgment in brainstorming.
你觉得买台太阳能制冰机怎么样 So how about a solar-powered ice machine?
你懂的 野餐用 You know, for picnics.
Kimmy修女 Sister Kimmy.
补充了维生素D Not having a vitamin D deficiency
你果然面色好多了 certainly suits you.
你好 Rick Hello, Rick.
你最好先习惯一下手铐 Better get used to those handcuffs.
什么手铐 What handcuffs?
呃 等一下 Uh, hold on.
哪里来的手铐 What handcuffs?
卧槽 Dang it.
我看视频里明明很简单 That video made it look so much easier.
你能想象现在是你铐着这副手铐吗 Can you just imagine that these are on you now?
- 哦 我的天 - 他怎么办到的 - Oh, my God. - How'd he do that?
这就是我们要对付的 That's what we're up against.
事情的关键就是 坐在那里的那个男人 The only thing that matters is that for 15 years
15年不允许我们离开地堡 that man right there wouldn't let us leave the bunker,
这就是绑架的定义 and that's the definition of kidnapping.
也是我Verizon手机套餐合约的定义 And of my Verizon contract.
反对 Objection.
这钱肯定得出的啊 You're paying for the network.
覆盖范围完全占优 Compare coverage!
即便是我也要承认 But even I have to admit
Kimmy说得对 that Kimmy here is right.
绑架的定义是 The definition of kidnapping is
带走某人并将其囚禁 to take away and keep a person as a prisoner.
法官大人 我想呈交这本词典 Your honor, I would like to submit this dictionary
坏法官
作为证物A into evidence as Exhibit A.
等等 这是你的第一件证物吗 Wait, that's your first piece of evidence?
也是唯一一件 And only.
法官大人 我的辩护完毕 Your honor, the defense rests.
检举 Prosecution.
检举完毕 The prosecution rests.
法官大人 对这位证人我一个问题没有 Your honor, I don't have one question for this witness.
坏法官
我有很多问题 I have many questions.
你能说出你的姓名和住址吗 Could you please state your name and residence?
我叫Kimmy Schmidt 家住纽约 Kimmy Schmidt, New York City.
哦 Oh!
"大苹果城"纽约 The Big Apple.
就像夏娃给亚当吃的那个苹果 Just like the one Eve gave Adam.
那就是我们所有尘世痛苦开始之时 And that's when all of our earthly suffering began.
死亡 因赤裸而羞耻 Mortality, shame in our nakedness,
被热巧克力烫伤舌头 burning your tongue on cocoa,
垃圾邮件 junk mail,
礼拜一 Mondays!
但是这些都不是Kimmy Schmidt受审的原因 But that's not why Kimmy Schmidt is on trial.
我没有 I'm not...
Kimmy 告诉我 Kimmy, tell me,
此案刚开庭的时候你人在哪里 where were you at the beginning of this trial?
为什么你死活不愿意回到登斯维尔 And why were you so heck-bent on not returning to Durnsville?
这里有我痛苦的回忆 Bad things happened to me here.
哦 你们听到了吗 Oh, did you hear that?
Kimmy Schmidt觉得 Kimmy Schmidt thinks that Durnsville
登斯维尔是痛苦之城 is a place where bad things happen.
是我太荒谬吗 Well, call me crazy,
但是和Kimmy Schmidt不一样 我爱这座城市 but unlike Kimmy Schmidt, I happen to love this town.
我是说 我喜欢把鱼线 I mean, I love casting a line
抛到 停车场里 out into the... parking lot.
我喜欢有时在Diane的咖啡馆 I love that it sometimes takes a little longer
得等上一段时间才喝得到咖啡 to get your coffee at Diane's Cafe.
因为她走路一瘸一拐 Because of her limp.
我还喜欢参加中学的足球比赛 And I love going to a high school football game
为不败神话登斯维尔燕鸥队加油打气 and cheering on the undefeated Durnsville Terns.
燕鸥 燕鸥 燕鸥 燕鸥 Terns, Terns, Terns, Terns,
燕鸥 燕鸥 燕鸥 燕鸥 Terns, Terns, Terns, Terns!
Kimmy 回答我 我救你的时候 Now, Kimmy, isn't it true that when I saved you
你是不是正从家里逃出来 you were running away from home,
从以我们伟大创始人Zachary Ville from Durnsville, named after
"durns"是"doing"的俚语 登斯维尔谐音"doing well"
命名的登斯维尔逃出来 our magnificent founder, Zachary Ville.
我不是要逃离登斯维尔 I wasn't running from Durnsville.
我只是为了一条超短迷你裙 I had just gotten into a fight with my mom
跟我妈妈吵了一架 about a super-short mini skirt
她想穿着去我的朗诵会 she wanted to wear to my recital.
我是要逃离她 I was running away from her.
而我正巧在那儿 自顾自的 And there I was, minding my own business,
在"冰冻美味"冰淇淋店外吃着辣椒味的热狗 sucking on chili dogs outside the Tastee Freez.
美国歌手John Mellencamp将"冰冻美味"冰淇淋店写进歌曲Jack & Diane中
哇哦 Mellencamp Mellencamp! Whoo!
在座的陪审团们 Ladies and gentlemen of the jury,
Kimmy Schmidt不仅仅是 Kimmy Schmidt wasn't just running away
要逃离我们挚爱的城市 from our beloved town.
她一路向东 She was heading east...
要去俄亥俄州 to Ohio.
俄亥俄是个蠢地方 Ohio's stupid.
我可能只是个单纯的乡村牧师 Now, I might just be a simple country preacher,
但是对于我来说如果不是有那么多的人 but it seems to me that if fewer people
从登斯维尔"逃出去" "Ran away" From Durnsville,
也许Elston Buckner的拖拉机经销商 maybe Elston Buckner's tractor dealership
不会在去年被迫关门大吉 wouldn't have had to close last year,
也许消防站就能有根滑柱 and maybe the firehouse could have finally gotten a pole
那样登斯维尔的消防员就不用 so Durnsville's finest wouldn't have to freefall
每次从二十尺高跳下来 20 feet onto a concrete floor.
我并不是说Kimmy Schmidt Now, I'm not saying that Kimmy Schmidt
要为这座城市所有的麻烦事负全责 is solely responsible for all our town's troubles.
反对 反对无效 Objection! Overruled!
但是如果她能老实呆在登斯维尔 But if she had stayed in Durnsville,
像个真正的美国人那样 like a real American,
我可以肯定 I know for a fact
你们所有人会比现在更富有 all of you would be rich right now.
坏法官
这些马铃薯瓢虫是哪里来的 Where'd all these potato bugs come from?
暂时休庭 Let's take a quick recess.
敢跟大人物作对啊 You mess with the big dog...
不作就不会死 and you get the horns.
原话出自85年电影<早餐俱乐部> Mess with the bull, and you get the horns
哦 谢谢你 Oh, thank you.
这是什么乡下的鬼糖水 What kind of country-ass sugar water is this?
看啊 Well, well...
给你个建议 兄弟 Word of advice, brother.
先生 我们最多也就是表亲 Sir, we are cousins at most.
我知道现在这一切看上去很光彩 I know this seems great now.
免费的生日蛋糕味的水 Free birthday-cake-flavored water,
万众瞩目 everyone paying you attention.
而且永远都会这样 And it lasts forever.
不 先生 No, sir.
在我那段视频疯传之后 After my viral video,
我尝到了成名的滋味 I got a taste of fame.
我见到了"卡车战龙" I got to meet Truckasaurus.
Truckasaurus出自动画辛普森一家人
还能在执行死刑的时候挥舞方格旗 I got to wave the checkered flag at an execution.
但是成名也有不好的一面 But there is a darker side to fame.
我不这么想 I don't think so.
我还看过每一期<音乐背后>节目的上半场 And I've seen the first half of every Behind the Music ever.
<音乐背后>讲述音乐人成名背后的心酸和艰苦的系列纪录片
我只想说 多亏了我的"名声" I'm just saying, thanks to my "Fame,"
国税局开始找我了 the IRS started calling.
海军知道了我并没有鲸鱼吃掉 The Navy realized I hadn't been eaten by a whale.
我的牙医找到了我 And my dentist tracked me down.
我非常久没有洗牙了 I was way overdue for a cleaning,
牙超痛的 and those hurt!
疼到牙纷纷说"兄弟 你干燥的牙槽里有块火腿" And they're all, "There's ham in your dry socket, sir."
不 老兄 他们没有这样说 Nah, man, they didn't say that.
我想说的是 My point is...
*一切都是无可避免的* *The other shoe is gonna drop*
*你等着瞧* *You wait and see*
没错 Yeah.
是我啊 It's me.
*没错 是我啊* *Yeah, it's me*
告诉我 Kimmy So tell me, Kimmy,
如果在地堡里的生活真的这么糟糕 if it was so bad in the bunker,
你为什么不直接离开 why didn't you just leave?
就像我之前说的 As I said before,
你不允许 you never let us.
哦 真的吗 Oh, really?
我想起了我跟我委托人之间的对话 Because I recall a conversation I had with my client...
在哪里呢 Where was that?
他现在是什么套路 Where's he going with this?
"不造" "Idk."
不造
什么意思 What does that mean?
是黑人用语吗 Is that a black thing?
很好 找到了 Yes, here it is.
你刚刚说 你宣誓 You just said, under oath,
我的委托人从没给过你们任何一个人 that my client never gave any of you
离开地堡的机会 the opportunity to leave the bunker.
废话啊 Uh, doy!
是啊 废话 Schmidt小姐 Doy indeed, Ms. Schmidt.
法官大人 如果法庭准许 Your honor, if it pleases the court,
我想让所有人闭上眼睛 I would like everyone to close their eyes
跟我一起闪回一下 and join me in a flashback.
好吧 All right.
哦 老天 Ooh, my goodness.
你已经转曲柄转了一天了 That's 24 hours on the crank.
她如是说 That's what she said!
是他如是说 That's what he said,
因为她不应该说话 because she shouldn't be talking.
你还没吸取教训吗 Haven't you learned your lesson yet?
外面根本没有世界 There's no world out there.
不对 有的 Yes, there is.
我在空气过滤器里发现的老鼠就是证据 That rat I found in the air filter proves it.
那只老鼠是恶魔的诡计 That rat was a Devil's trick,
还有恶魔制造的 just like when the Devil made it sound
我和送披萨的争论 like I was arguing with a pizza guy
半小时的时间观念的幻听 about what a half hour means.
你是个骗子 You're a liar.
你的马尾辫也很蠢 And your pony tail's stupid.
我的马尾辫很酷 My pony tail is cool.
上帝这么说的 God said so.
我越发厌烦你了 Kimmy And I'm getting a little sick and tired of you, Kimmy.
我应该把你扔出那道门 I ought to throw you out that door
让你葬身火海 and into that lake of fire,
让恶魔和他手下所有的Freddys Krueger们 let the Devil and all his Freddys Krueger
经典恐怖片<猛鬼街>中的变态梦中杀手
把你的脑袋当棒球打 play baseball with your head.
好啊 来扔吧 Fine, do it.
我无所谓 I don't care.
哦 你无所谓 Oh, you don't care?
你觉得你比我明白 You think you know better than me?
即使上帝给我买了这只表 Even though God bought me this watch.
所以 如果你那么有把握的话 So... if you're so sure of yourself,
我想你不会反对 I guess you wouldn't object
我把Cyndee修女送到荒芜之地的吧 if I sent Sister Cyndee out into the wasteland.
什么 What?
没错 Yeah.
我们要把Cyndee送到末世灾乱中 We'll send Cyndee out into the apocalypse.
如果你是正确的 And if you're right,
我们就对我的付出大肆嘲笑一番 we'll have a big laugh at my expense,
然后我就带你们去你们想去的 and by way of apology I will take you all
那家水上乐园 以此致歉 to the water park of your choice.
但如果你错了 But if you're wrong...
她将烈火焚身而死 she'll burn up and die.
怎么了 What's the matter?
我还以为你可明白了 I thought you had this all figured out.
Cyndee修女 你能来 Sister Cyndee, could you join us
大圆管这边吗 in the grand ball tube?
马上来 Be there in a jiff!
她信任你 She trusts you.
她还指着你能罩着她 She counts on you to take care of her,
尤其自打你治好了她的"胡克霍根幻想症" especially since you cured her Hulkamania.
所以 So...
只要你百分之百确定 as long as you're absolutely sure...
怎么了 What?
你本可以放我走 You could have let me go?
吞下你的维他命片然后祈祷吧 Eat your vitamins and say your prayers,
Kimmy Schmidt Kimmy Schmidt!
该死的 我的"胡克霍根幻想症"又回来了 Dang it, my Hulkamania's back!
这次相当严重啊 兄弟 And it's a bad one, brotha!
在座的陪审团们 Ladies and gentlemen of the jury,
很显然我的当事人曾提出放走这些女人 clearly my client offered to let these women go.
但Kimmy Schmidt选择留下来 Kimmy Schmidt chose to stay.
如果这也算做绑架的话 Now, if that's kidnapping,
那就直接把我关起来 把钥匙扔掉吧 lock me up and throw away the key.
反对 Objection!
现在监狱里不用钥匙了 There are no keys at the jail anymore.
现在用的是芯片卡 It is a card with a chip in it,
就像汉普顿酒店那种 like at a Hampton Inn.
记得我们去匹兹堡那次吗 亲 Remember our trip to Pittsburgh, hon?
还附赠<今日美国报>来着 With the free USA Today?
你直奔红色体育版块 You go straight for the red.
我扑向紫色生活版块 I go right for the purple.
我们是典型的<今日美国>情侣 We are a classic USA Today couple.
重要插播 Stop the presses.
我的帕尼尼三明治可以等 My paninis can wait.
我在对话Kimmy Schmidt I'm talking to Kimmy Schmidt,
登斯维尔的耻辱 the shame of Durnsville.
我 这可是埃德·哈迪的出生地 Me? But Ed Hardy was born here.
美国嬉皮风潮流品牌创始人
一一一一一一一一一一一一一一一一 一一鼹鼠女Kimmy Schmidt一一一 一一一一一一一一一一一一一一一一
一现场直播一一一一 一一一一一一一一一
特大新闻
Kimmy 我可没养你来让我蒙羞 Kimmy, I did not raise you to embarrass me like that.
你没有养我啊 You didn't raise me.
我刚刚不就是这么说的吗 That's what I just said.
天哪 Kimmy Golly, Kimmy.
我还指望你 I was really counting on you
帮我重回警局呢 to help get me back on the force.
"当地警察的英雄继女扭转乾坤" "Local cop's hero step-daughter saves the day,"
这准可以引起局长注意了 that'd get the chief's attention.
现在却是 Now all I got is,
"充气弹床屋里救出的停职警察" "Suspended cop rescued from bouncy house."
干得不错 自私鬼 Nice work, jagweed.
我指望靠你的 I depended on you.
你本应是强大的那一个 You were supposed to be the strong one.
我知道 我也很生自己的气 I know, and I was so mad at myself.
我们本可以在7年前就逃离那个地堡 We could have gotten out of that bunker seven years ago.
我本可以在Brandon决定当基佬前就接近他的 I could have gotten to Brandon before he decided to be gay.
基佬不是"决定"当的啊 You don't decide to be gay.
我知道 I know.
在雷电暴风的时候看了<魔力麦克>就会变基佬 You watch Magic Mike during a lightning storm
2012年美国关于脱衣舞男的电影
Brandon也是这样 like Brandon did.
总之 我本可以阻止他的 Either way, I could have stopped it.
你不再是我的伴娘了 You're not my maid of honor anymore.
我都不认识你了 I don't know who you are.
你去哪儿了 Where were you?
我一直在法院啊 I was at the courthouse the whole time.
表现得不错吗 Good job?
你是不是在我出庭作证的时候上了广播节目 Did you go on a radio show while I was testifying?
我不得不去 Kimmy 我是为了你 I had to, Kimmy, for you.
Z101频道的"约翰和史考熊"想要采访你 Johnny and The Squatch from Z101 wanted to interview you.
我帮你挡下了 货真价实的"挡"下来 I took that bullet, literally.
我为什么要拿着这个垃圾桶盖 Why am I holding this trashcan lid?
为什么子弹是真的 我们可是在做节目 Why is this real? We on the radio!
你被"史考熊"了 You got Squatched!
我为你被"史考熊"了 "史考熊" I got Squatched for you... Squatched!
得了吧 你喜欢备受瞩目 Please, you love the attention.
"我是你的朋友 胆小鬼Kimmy "I'm your friend, Kimmy Wimmy.
我是来支持你的" I'm here to support you."
嘿 我这样学你你开心不 Hey, how would you like it if I went,
"哒 哒 哒 额 呐 呐 呐 "Dar-dar-dar-dar, uh, nar-nar-nar...
额 呐" Uh, nar."
呃 算了吧 Titus Ugh, forget it, Titus!
随便你怎样 Do whatever you want.
我还是登斯维尔最差劲的人 I'll still be the worst person in Durnsville.
那是你还没见过史考熊 You have not met The Squatch.
我搞砸了 I blew it.
每个人都恨我 甚至是Cyndee Everyone hates me, even Cyndee.
尤其是Cyndee Especially Cyndee!
牧师会被无罪释放 The Reverend's gonna go free.
还有你的被子好难闻 And your comforter smells terrible.
那是我的古龙香水 荷兰烤锅 It's my cologne, Dutch Oven.
不过不重要啦 But that's not important.
Kimmy 你不能放弃 Kimmy, you can't give up.
你很"呜昂"强 You are tee-nay-shee-us.
你让我们小区那帮家伙 You got those folks in our neighborhood
都不再向月亮开枪了 to stop shooting guns at the moon.
是啊 但这不一样 Yeah, but this is different.
我不能靠告诉别人 I can't fix everything here
月亮是波多黎各人来解决一切问题 by telling people the moon is Puerto Rican.
别这么说 你就是字典上对 Stop it, you are the dictionary definition
"坚持到底"的定义 of "Stick-to-it-ivity."
我"阿蕾莎"了 Aretha!
Kimmy将eureka"悟到了"说成了Aretha
字典 The dictionary!
Titus 你真是个天才 Titus, you're a genius.
那我们是留下喽 So we're staying?
我可以替你做WTHR电视台11点新闻的访谈 I can do that interview for you on WTHR's 11:00 news?
那可是印第安纳波利斯市 Kimmy That's Indianapolis, Kimmy,
此为印第安纳州首府 地处偏僻 常被吐槽"IndiaNoPlace"
全美第25大媒体市场 the 25th biggest media market in America.
如果算上站在窗外面看电视的鹿 就排名第19了 19th if you count deers looking through people's windows.
你去上电视 You go get on TV.
我来扭转乾坤 I'm gonna save the day.
然后我要向前台要一个 And then I'm gonna talk to the front desk
有屋顶的房间 about getting a room with a roof.
好的 我打倒两个 Yes! I got two!
Cyndee衣服上的字 鼹鼠女
而且它跑偏到另一条道了 所以应该算双倍分 And it went in the other lane, so it counts as double.
这就是为什么你交不到新朋友
Cyndee Cyndee Pokorny Cyndee. Cyndee Pokorny!
你来这儿干嘛 Kimmy What are you doing here, Kimmy?
想要像你毁了一切那样 Trying to ruin my bachelorette party
把我的单身派对也毁了 like you ruin everything?
听着 我知道我搞砸了 Look, I know I messed up,
有些事我也没法重来 and I can't undo what I did.
但我们必须确保牧师会去坐牢 But we have to make sure the Reverend goes to jail.
这意味着我们要自己找到证据 And that means we have to get the evidence ourselves.
我有个计划 I have a plan.
太好了 去实施吧 Great, go do it.
我和我的朋友们 My friends and I
还有个阴茎状的冰激凌蛋糕要吃 have a penis-shaped ice cream cake to get to.
冰激凌 Ice cream?
你知道那东西是从母牛身上哪部分来的吗 Do you know what part of the cow that comes from?
Cyndee 我知道你觉得 Cyndee, I know you thought
我是强悍的那一个 I was the strong one,
但只有和你在一起的时候我才能强悍的起来 but I was only strong when I was with you.
那次牧师骗到我 That time the Reverend tricked me,
是因为我当时孤身一人 it's because I was alone.
我需要你的帮助 I need your help,
因为我们现在要做的 'cause what we have to do right now
会十分艰难 is gonna be really hard.
你什么意思 What are you talking about?
我们要回到地堡 We're going back to the bunker.
地堡 Bunker?
地堡 耶 太好了 The bunker? Yay, wonderful.
Kimmy 这可是我的单身派对 Kimmy, this is my bachelorette party.
对啊 所以我们才要回去地堡 Yeah, and that's why we're going back to the bunker,
一个有意思的地方 where it's fun.
请你再相信我这最后一次 Please just trust me this one last time.
好吧 Fine.
不过我要带着我的蛋糕 But I'm bringing my cake with me.
最后一个到地堡的以后生妓女 Last one to the bunker is a mother of whores!
Randy 我需要你的帮助 Randy, I need your help.
拿走我的钱包吧 Ah, take my wallet!
你想对我怎么样都行 I'll let you do stuff to me!
哦 Kimmy 免谈 Oh, Kimmy, no way.
你已经给我惹来够多麻烦了 You've already got me in enough trouble already.
但如果我能抓到这些家伙 But if I can bust these guys,
他们就会让我回到警局 they'll have to let me back on the force.
登斯维尔唯一的意大利人家就住那儿 That's where Durnsville's only Italian family lives.
我要坐等他们搞些集团犯罪 I'm gonna wait for them to do some organized crime,
然后将他们统统击毙 then I'm gonna shoot all of them.
我知道一种更简单的方法让你成为英雄 Well, I've got an easier way for you to be a hero.
太好了 因为你懂的 Good, 'cause as you know,
在纽约时 我把枪弄丢了 I lost my gun in New York.
这把只能射出口香糖 This one only shoots gum tape.
好了 Okay.
我在这儿把风 I'll keep a lookout up here.
你们动作要快 And you guys make it quick.
我和市长关系已经够紧张了 I'm already in enough hot water with the mayor
我错把他老婆当成自动贩卖机了 after I mistook his wife for a vending machine
我那时候磕海洛因磕嗨了 back when I was doing heroin.
在这儿 It's here.
一切都还在这儿 It's all still here.
好了 Kimmy 我们进来了 Okay, Kimmy, we're here.
是的 Right.
Gretchen 我们要去食品储藏室 Gretchen, we're going to the pantry
拿一些派对用的豆子 to get some beans for the party.
鹰嘴豆 Garbanzo.
当然了 开派对嘛 Of course. It's a party.
所以你最好留在这里 So why don't you stay here.
哦 老天爷 有好几个月没人转那个神秘转轴了 Oh, my goodness, no one's turned the mystery crank in months.
碰它之前我要先净化自己 I have to purify myself before I touch it.
真不敢相信我和她亲热过
Kimmy Kimmy...
Kimmy 这不是去食品储藏室的路 Kimmy, this isn't the way to the pantry.
这条路是通向 This is the way to...
牧师的私人管道 The Reverend's private tube.
可是"牧私管"是不允许进的啊 But we aren't allowed in the RPT.
正是 Exactly.
可是为什么呢 Why was that?
有什么他不想让我们看见 What didn't he want us to see?
慎 行
我的神 Holy smokes!
那是市长的猫"我的神" It's the mayor's cat, Holy Smokes.
他会被土狼吃掉的 He's gonna get ate by a coyote.
我很快回来 鼹鼠女士们 I'll be right back, Mole Ladies!
好了 Titus 一会儿Carol Doberman Okay, Titus, so Carol Doberman
会从直播间里访问你 will be interviewing you from the studio.
好的 晚上好 Carol Okay, good evening, Carol.
Carol Carol!
Carol 不 Carol, no!
好了 行了 Okay, got it.
吃葡萄不吐葡萄皮 不吃萄"萄"倒吐萄"萄"皮 Red leather yellow leather red yeller leather-leather...
好吧 Okay.
我们大约3分钟后开始 So we're scheduled to go on in about three minutes,
耐心坐好 我们准备好后会给你倒数 so just sit tight, and I'll count you in when we're ready.
我的名字会在屏幕下方 对吧 Now, my name will be at the bottom of the screen, right?
对 Right.
名字下面 能不能写上 Under that, would it be possible
我的电话号码 to put my phone number
以及"选择性光头" and "Bald by choice"?
- 抱歉 - 好的 谢谢 - Sorry. - Okay, thank you.
*即将出名* *Gonna be famous*
*就要上电视* *Gonna be on TV*
*即将出名* *Gonna be famous*
*我的梦想展翅高飞* *Soaring on the wings of my dreams*
步行者队在进行加时赛 The Pacers are in overtime,
加时赛
一一一一一一一一一一一一一一一一一一一一一一一一一 一一一步行者队:27分 六人者队:27分 加时赛第2场一一一一一一 一一一一一一一一一一一一一一一一一一一一一一一一一一一一一一一一一一一
一一现场直播一一一 一一一一一一一一一
所以我们要推迟WTHR体育直播间 so we're gonna hold off on Mitch Locher
对Mitch Locher的采访 over in the WTHR Sports Room
下面是追踪报道 and go to our continuing coverage
鼹鼠女人们内的内奸
一一一一一一一一一一一一一一一一一一一一一一一一一一一 一一一一一一一登斯维尔法庭上的戏剧性事件一一一一一一 一一一一一一一一一一一一一一一一一一一一一一一一一一一一一一
登斯维尔的鼹鼠女人们 of the Durnsville Mole Women.
一一一一登斯维尔法庭上一一一一一一 一一一一的戏剧性事件一一一一一一一
一独家报道一一
接下来这位是其中一个女士的朋友 I'm joined now by a friend of one of the women,
一一一受害者的朋友一一一一一一 一一Titus Andromedon一一一一一一一
Andromedon先生 你能听到我吗 Mr. Andromedon, can you hear me?
*即将腰才万贯* *Gonna be rich*
*甚至能买真皮带* *Gonna buy a real belt*
*皮赘统统都烧掉* *And burn off my skin tags*
我们的音频出现了些问题 We've having a little trouble with the audio.
一一一一登斯维尔法庭上一一一一一一 一一一一的戏剧性事件一一一一一一一
*将会永垂不朽* *Gonna be immortal*
一一一受害者的朋友一一一一一一 一一Titus Andromedon一一一一一一一
*和流芳百世有个约会* *Got a date with eternity*
明白 Got it.
*一旦出名* *Once I am famous*
一一一受害者的朋友一一一一一一 一一Titus Andromedon一一一一一一一
一一现场直播一一一 一一一一一一一一一
一独家报道一一
*我将永不孤单* *I'll never be alone*
*朋友如此之多* *I'll have so many friends*
一一一一登斯维尔法庭上一一一一一一 一一一一的戏剧性事件一一一一一一一
*我的电话答录机应接不暇* *My answering machine will need a longer tape*
一一一受害者的朋友一一一一一一 一一Titus Andromedon一一一一一一一
一一现场直播一一一 一一一一一一一一一
一独家报道一一
白痴 你在直播 Moron, you're on the air.
一一一受害者的朋友一一一一一一 一一Titus Andromedon一一一一一一一
一一现场直播一一一 一一一一一一一一一
一独家报道一一
不 不 不 不 No, no, no, no.
哦 Carol Oh, Carol!
哦 不 Oh, no.
为什么 Why?
我要重新来过 I want to start over.
我要从婴儿做起 I want to be a baby!
你现在能听到我吗 Andromdon先生 Can you hear me now, Mr. Andromedon?
不要叫我名字 Don't say my name!
一一一Titus Andromedon一一一一 一一一一一一一一一一一一一一一
别拍我的脸 And don't show my face!
我的裤子 My pants!
我好像找到灯的开关了 Ooh, I think I found the light.
不 别 该死 Kimmy No, don't... Oh, dang it, Kimmy!
你把我的耳环拽掉了 You just pulled out my earring!
哦 抱歉 Oh, sorry.
如果灯都开不了 How are we gonna find anything
我们要怎么找 if we can't turn on the...
灯怎么开了 How did the lights turn on?
我的耳朵还真是电灯开关 My ear is the light switch.
难以特么的置信 是 Unbe-fudging-lievable. It's the...
*转你个转轴(臭脾气)* *Crank you for being a crank*
卧槽 That sucks!
你个混蛋 You jerk!
同志们 冷静下来 Guys, calm down.
如果我们真的想报复他 If we really want to get back at him,
我们就得找到让他 we have to find something that will put him in jail
把牢底坐穿的证据 for the rest of his life.
但他永远都死不了 But he's gonna live forever!
这里为什么会有窗帘 Why are there curtains in here?
我们可是在地下20英尺 We're 20 feet underground.
我滴个老母啊 Ay caramba.
是我们滴个老母 Donna Maria We all caramba, Donna Maria.
但我们怎么打开这东西 But how are we gonna open this thing?
六月 June...
六号 6...
零六年 06.
*即将出名* *Gonna be famous*
爆蠢的失败采访
即将出名 混音版
*就要上电视* *Gonna be on TV*
*即将出名* *Gonna be famous*
*我的梦想展翅高飞* *Soaring on the wings of my dreams*
*吃葡萄不吐* *Red leather yellow...*
不要叫我名字 Don't say my name!
别拍我的脸 And don't show my face!
我要重新来过 I want to start over.
*即将腰才万贯 皮赘统统去烧掉* *I'm gonna be rich and burn off my skin tags*
Carol 为什么 Carol, why?
*注定与永世携手相伴* *Got a date with eternity*
*即将腰才万贯 皮赘统统去烧掉* *Gonna be famous and burn off my skin tags*
不要叫我名字 Don't say my name.
别拍我的脸 And don't show my face!
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